Erasmus Chelebi: The Glitchy Academic Pilgrim

Hi, I’m… well, let’s just call me Chelebi.

You know those Instagram-filtered European dreams you scroll through on social media, right? The ones with the sunsets and the perfect lattes? Yeah, well, my adventure is the exact, glitchy opposite of that.

I only came to these foreign lands to study. I tore myself away from the heart of Anatolia, leaving behind my home and its crackling soba stove. But suddenly, I found myself lost in the shadow of gothic buildings, wrestling with sullen bureaucrats and vacuuming curfew hours that made absolutely no sense.

I would love to tell you about the romance of the Eiffel Tower, but believe me, the view is the last thing on your mind when you’re staring at a 2,500 Euro hospital bill for an arm broken on the one single day I didn’t have insurance. Or learning the hard way that being a slightly illegal gaming enthusiast costs 3,000 Euro—a lesson I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy…

I keep stumbling here—seriously, I trip over my own feet every two steps—and whenever I call my dad back in the village, he yells so hard I could probably hear him even without a phone:

“Son, I’m over here overclocking the cows just to keep up with your expenses, and your system keeps giving a Blue Screen error! You’re gonna burn out the fatherboard at this rate!”

I was busy dealing with bureaucracy on one side, my Romanian friend’s weird love theories on the other; and that battered old suitcase falling apart in my hands? Let’s just say that was a bonus.

This book is a testament of tragicomic confessions for those waiting in visa lines, those who sigh looking at the Euro exchange rate, those with broken suitcases and empty pockets, and for those like me whose “system is constantly stuck on a BSOD – Blue Screen of Death.”

Welcome to my story, which operates like the European branch of Murphy’s Law, where you’ll be grateful for your own life while laughing at mine.